But I will be
by Sagutcheway-06
Summary: Chloe's feeling a bit sad on Christmas eve..


Chloe Sullivan puffed lazily at the cigarette between in fingers, the smoke blowing out of her mouth, lifting to the dark sky above.   
  
The sky above littered with glowing white orbs, the stars. It always made her feel amazed when she looked at it, like looking at it for the first time everytime. It ceased to make her gasp in amazement. She had always wanted to study the stars, learn of their meaning and so many other things about these mysterious things. But where's the fun in that? The mystery behind the stars and sky is how she would like to keep it. A mystery she doesn't know, and would like to keep it that way. Something she couldn't find out and wouldn't.  
  
The snow around her crunched under her feet as she moved towards her spot. A place where she always went this time of the year. It was a dark little spot hidden behind a tall thick tree, and was at least one hour walk from Chandler's field. The tree was on top of a small hill, so you could see the stars above. And if your really lucky, you probably could see the lights from Smallville not far away. No one knew about her little place, only her father, because she had to get his permission to come here late at night every once in awhile when he was feeling protective. She only goes there during December.  
  
December. The month of reminder she always calls it and a month she hates with all her life. A month where she is reminded of all the things in her life that she wanted but couldn't have. This was the time of the year when she felt more alone, and was more thoughtful. She thinks about many things, like about her mother and what she is doing this time, or even if she is still alive. She thinks about Lana Lang, and how lucky she is, but not Lucky lucky since she has no parents but she has Whitney. Someone who loves her. Someone ho will always be there, and never leave her.   
  
Ugh! She hates when she gets like this, She has her father! Someone who loves her. And so many cousins, aunts, uncles who love her. But that's family. She wants someone who would love her... More. More than anything in the world.   
  
Ah, what the heck, she didn't know what she was talking about. This is was complicated. Everything was. She was a teenager, of course this was complicated.  
  
She took a drag from the cigarrette, blowing it out. Thank god for man's invention, the cigarette. This was the only thing that calmed her down, when it was needed. Her father knew she smoked, no one else. Except a few other cousins, and maybe Pete.   
  
She walked a bit further in the bushes, going upward. The trail was hard and bumpy, but it was the only way to get there, unless you wanted to take a steepier way, which she didn't want to take, because the road to be icy and she didn't want to take that chance of rolling down the rocky hill.   
  
Finally she was there. Up up top of the hill, high up from the others down below. She couldn't help that empty feeling she felt everytime she came here, which was once every year. It was like every year, she would come here in self pity, and she would think. And it always pained her the next year to think back at days she sat here. Alone. All by herself, wallowing in self pity.   
  
The cigarette was almost to the filter, so she had to throw it away. Luckily she came prepared. Pulling out another cigarette, she lit it. This thing kills, yeah, yeah. She's heard it before. And she wouldn't give a rats ass if she started dying right here right now. She knew no one would care.   
  
She sat on a log she always sits on, and tried to make herself comfortable. Which was impossible. Finally settling in, she leaned against the tree, looking out unto the land.  
  
It was early morning, the sun made sure of that. The sun peaked out of the horizon, illuminating the sky into reddish-orange colour into most parts of the large area. The land animals were waking as of this moment, the birds chirping their wakeup call. Chloe could hear them, and see the parent birds fly around, looking for food for their young.   
  
This day hurted most to her. It was christmas morning. The memories of long lost childhood memories, and longings would come back, haunting her during the day.   
  
Lana and her father should be waking up soon. Lana waking up to the morning greeting sun, and she is happy. Happy. If only she could feel that on this time of year, then she would be like Lana. At home, instead of here.   
  
Ah, she could see it now. Lana would awake, eager to open the presents, then she would come into Chloe's room, wake her up. Her father would relunctantly awake to the shrieks and excitement screams coming from Lana, and go downstairs.   
  
But, no. That is not how would it be. And it's Lana's first christmas with them. This isn't how Chloe wanted it for her, but she had no choice. She doesn't like waking up christmas morning alone. She never has.   
  
It wasn't her fucken fault that she hated christmas. Ah, she heard this one before. The Grinch. How he hated christmas, but then again, in the end, he begins to love the damn holiday.  
  
She took a drag, trying for it to calm her down. But all it was was smoke going to her lungs, and coming back out.   
  
The sun was nearly up now, the cold finally getting to her. It signaled for her to leave her dark place, and get home. To her family awaiting her arrival. And the warmth.   
  
Finally after a few minutes, she stood up. It was a long way back to her car, and she would have to start walking now if she wanted to get home fast and avoid the questions from Lana.   
  
Ah, the questions from Lana. She was sure there would be many, but she would have give her short answers, and relunctantly do her part in the christmas festive.   
  
The snow crunched under her boots once again and a cigarette once again in her hands. She was on her way home.   
  
*************************_*****************************  
  
Chloe floored the gas pedal, thankful for the fact that it was early morning. If the police found her, she would have had one heck of a ticket. She was surprised that no one was around to at this time of hour, No farmers, no policeman. Strange.   
  
She parked her car outside her house and sighed. Most of the lights were on, meaning her father and Lana were awake. Lana would probably be scared shitless, while Gabe would be cool, like every year.   
  
Sure enough, Lana came running out of the house at the first sign of her car, a scared look. Her father just hunged at the door, a cup in hand, like nothing was happening. Nothing serious. She silently cursed him.   
  
She got out og the car in a slow pace, the cool air bit at her bare neck and face. An impact hit her, Lana, giving her a hug. She put her arms around the brunette, trying to reassure her she was okay and alive.   
  
"Chloe," She started to ramble on about something Chloe didn't care about, then stop. Like a crazed possessed woman, she ran inside. She just followed the girl inside at a slow pace, not giving a care. Why should she? Walking up the stairs, her father met her halfway.   
  
"I thought this wouldn't happen this year." He only says, then hugs her. "I had to tell Lana about this thing you do, is that okay?" She just shrugged her shoulders dismissively and walked on. Behind her, she heard her father sigh, then follow behind, but he couldn't help feel a rift coming in between Chloe and him.   
  
Lana comes up to her as she was entering the house. "Chloe, are you okay?" She asks concerned. What Gabe had told her earlier, Chloe should be taking something, anything to make her feel better. She never expecterd to wake up on christmas morning to find her roommate gone. She holds a cup of coffee to her, but Chloe ignores it.   
  
"No," She replies, surprising her father and Lana. She shrugged off her jacket, and hunged it on the coat rack. Once finished, she look into Lana's eyes with the most sincere look. "But I will be." 


End file.
